Holidays with the FAM, Part 2

We continue our celebration of of wild, wonderful FAM by planning FAMSgiving. (Check out Part 1 if you missed it!) We asked them: If we had a FAM Thanksgiving, what role would you play that day and what would you bring?

Tyler Barton - "DJ Poems"

If we had a Fam Thanksgiving (which we should totally try to make happen) I'd be the uncle-in-law who shows up early under the auspices of trying to help out with things but really I'm just lonely and bored and not into sports and get anxious about the party so I show up super early, like 90 minutes early, and surprise he host/hostess coming out of the shower and get the whole day started off poorly. Then, I'm just a mess in the kitchen, trying to help with things like mashing potatoes or sprinkling crunchy onions on the casserole but I'm really just in everyone's way and those weren't crunchy onions, they were dog treats or something and everyone wishes I would go home. But then, eventually the party gets started and I get a little drunk and eat only rolls and chill out and realize everyone's generally a good person, including me, and I feel thankful for that. 

I bring diet soda but drink the college-kids' craft beer and pretend to like the taste. 

Kaj Tanaka - "Do You Understand What I Am Saying?"

Bring: I'll do the mashed potatoes because they are tasty and difficult to mess up. 

Role: I'd be happy to do the dishes.

Diane Payne - "Dissonance

I’d be the Oops, Did We Invite Her Guest  who brings a handful of cats to Thanksgiving.

Melissa Matthewson - "Everyone Knows This is Nowhere"

First, that would be an amazing Thanksgiving! I'd bring an overpriced Malbec that I paid for on credit and warm Castelvetrano olives. I'd be the little sister who brings a poem to read before dinner, but the poem is too long and everyone gets irritated because she's going on too long and the food is getting cold and everyone just wants to eat, but she keeps on and on until they all tease her, which hurts her feelings, so she spends the rest of the night in the corner sulking and drunk on Malbec.